Pashe's Xanga

The spiritual evolution of a burner part 2

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:18:23 GMT

This is another vision I saw while at the burn. Yes I have a few more spiritual stories to tell about burning man.

Please enjoy.

This is another story of a vision I recieved while at the HookaDome (a dance and music stage) at the Burn. I looked up in the sky and Sophia flooded me with revelation. The wisdom of God filled my mind with her wonders and it was wonderful. I saw from one end of creation to another. My consciousness went cosmic. I could hear the explosion of stars as they communicated with each other across distances. I could feel comets and other weird spacial phenomena and I could hear the heart of the universe beating. The heart was an inverted black hole and all the energy it emitted flooded creation with energy. That energy linked everything.

This is not astral projection, instead it was something more pure, I did not leave my body and float above anything. Instead my body and mind became an eye, a living lens that saw across everything and my consciousness became the pupil darting through the warmth of Sophia herself. I was intimately connected to the stars, existing in the warmth between them. Beneath the cold of space was an energy force (I am not sure what to call this force but Sophia will suffice) but it was warm, safe and powerful but subtlety so. It did not need to dominate anything because it already did. There was a freedom to it that explained the coldness of space and the energy that made up the universe.

At one point it felt like my mind was part of a star in another galaxy and I was something more than I could be as mortal and then I was back, back in my mortal form, small, and full of the universe's wisdom. Then the dub music filled my spirit w/ it's bass and I was dancing again.

p

I am still burning and it's a month later

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 18:20:03 GMT

I went to burning man over a month ago and you would think my social life would tone down. ROFLMAO

Seriously, seriously, seriously,

I can't stop partying. Last nite we went to Circus, a club downtown, we shut that shit down and made the fucking party. It was amazing.

Help me stop, kidding, don't.

p

Spiritual death is approaching

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 16:29:43 GMT

My friends and loved ones are very concerned about some of my choices as of late and they should be. In two days both Way and Christina said I would die if I pursued my love. I am going to die and only be acknowledging it will I live. Death is not a bad thing. It's the natural order of the universe, things must die so that more life will come. It's more than a Christian principle but also one that every major religion shares in common in some form or another. Not only that but the natural order is such that creation reflects this simple yet profound truth.

It should always lead to spiritual and physical transformation where one finds new and exciting ways to bring love to the world. But unfortunately that is not always the case, my prayer is that every choice I make will be redeemed through love even when my choices are made from ego and lack. I must acknowledge my lack or the universe will not rush to fill the empty void. The universe and GOD love filling that need. My hope is that I will survive and grow from my "death."

But I need to acknowledge that my death is self inflicted and it will kill me. Hopefully there is some grace for some self inflicted spiritual wounds because life is too short to live w/o hope.

p

The spiritual evolution of a burner.

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:43:56 GMT

Yah I know it's been a while. As most of you know by now I am a mystic. I went to burning man. It was awesome. If you want to stories about my awakening there then I guess u will have to talk to me in person because I am not going to be talking much of that here. But I will be redirecting the energy of this blog into a more creative or even spiritual space than it was before. But first let's start first w/ the first vision.

While I was at the burn I experienced a spiritual opening of sorts. I was given a vision of creation at the beginning. I saw the big bang but it did not stop there. I saw a million big bangs. I saw the universe that existed before this one. I saw it only at the beginning and I saw it being created. I know most of you muthafuckers will think I am nuts and I am but still I saw this vision. At the beginning everything was white or void and then a spark would grow, in my different colors and shapes and energy would erupt. But each spark was different than the other and they grew in beauty as each exploded. Every universe was uniquely different from the one preceding it because the vibrational energy was greater w/ each universe. God said that this universe is the most loving one he has ever created.

He was exceedingly pleased w/ this creation.

That experience is something I cannot process. It processes u. Exactly how it processed me, I am still working through but let's just say I am different now. I am more confident than I have ever been and I know what I want. I love u all and hope my journey enlightens and entertains u.

Be blessed.

p

A Tribute to the Greatest Entertainer EVER!!!

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 23:28:18 GMT

Thank you.
p

Two Approaches to Loving the Shadows

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 17:51:08 GMT

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would. But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law.
¹⁰Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.

¹¹Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.

¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

¹³Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.

Those verses typify the argument in Christian circles for a bunch of different reasons. One way that Christians live those verses out is from their own will, instead of understanding those verses as the yang to the inner struggle against one's own nature they see that battle as a means to hate themselves. In the end that's the main thing that stops Christians from loving other people or themselves. They take Paul's divine wisdom as a blanket condemnation on a part of themselves by learning examining how much they screw up. It's weird how Christians find a way to use those verses as a way to measure themselves when the idea that we should measure ourselves at all is completely antithetical to the Gospel. The Gospel says that GOD LOVES US and accepts us and that he is the only capable of measuring us at all. By measuring I mean judging. So when human beings fail in whatever way we do there is grace and love capable of transforming our consciousness, soul, and body away from our failure. Yet I meet Christians that struggle w/ that simple truth. Hell I struggle w/ it at times. Yet Human beings fail if anything that seems to mark our nature as much as our successes.

The path of Love the mystics walk is as complex as others that don't walk this path. They are just as confused on this point as the others. You have folks in the Orthodox camp saying one has to war w/ their fleshly nature, the same thing w/ most of the monks and desert fathers and for that matter evangelical Christianity. That path is annoying, it works but it usually leaves the adherent w/ some severe self-hatred issues and in some way truncates loving themselves or their humanity (ie their sexuality) in a way that builds connection in community. There is another path, one that actually brings wholeness and healing between the flesh and the spirit.

That path involves learning to love and embrace all the conflicting energies the fears and anxieties the flesh generates. It means learning to love your enemy your flesh by turning the other cheek and seeing the need underneath the clinging and needy ego.When I use that word I don't mean ego from the Freudian sense but the self that is constantly grabbing, searching and seeking some form of validation.YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

If one has any hope of loving the world the way the greats did ie JESUS, Buddha and others did then the only way is to learn to love their shadow selves and embrace the new that is born in love when one unites w/ God.

Embracing the shadows.

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:09:29 GMT

I was going to post something funny today but then love won out. Not saying they are separate but the funny was not really what my heart wants to talk about.

The union of self is at the heart of all the major spiritual paths. By it's nature it creates one of the clearest pathways to LOVE. By learning to love the darkest parts of our own souls we learn to love the world and the different among us. Today's blog is about my journey into loving the darkest elements of my soul. The parts that people don't really need to know about. But I have found awesome ways to do just that because I realized the darkest manifestations of my humanity are me, just as clearly as the kenotic outpouring God's love are also me. I am one.

So what do I do to honor my darker impulses, reality and consciousness? I go to Goth clubs, spend time in places where no self respecting normal person would go. I speak very openly (w/ people I trust) about that side of my consciousness. I do a lot more to embrace my shadow self, but I don't think I am going to be sharing that on this blog. I use it as a means to get to know the darkest and most broken folks in our society and because I am in touch w/ that side of myself ex cons really like me. They become very talkative, like last nite at work. There was a gentleman that shared about his infidelities, gang banging, crack addicted life and I just listened. The darkest of our society feel safe around those that love and the only way to truly love is to embrace not war with your dark side.

I am not saying that it must die but not from hatred, but from love. It must be respected and heard and at times even listened to. It doesn't have to be obeyed but it must be heard. How does one hear from one's dark side? Let's take anger, for instance. I am sure I am not the only one that gets mad when somoen says something I don't like. Anger would dictate cussing out the bitch who said something stupid, calling them a bitch (believe me when I say this ladies bitch is not gender specific,) but that's where one has to listen to the anger but not necessarily act out of that. Sometimes anger is rigtheous like in the cases of injustice. I am not talking about that, I am talking about the darker elements of our anger when someone either hurts or annoys us. Instead of choosing a culture of destruction, try and embrace a culture of life. Find ways to uplift the person that has made you angry after you have uplifted yourself.

God uplifts the union of us through meditation, without it I would be far more angrier than I am. My hope is that each of you find someway to love from your anger instead of letting your anger or whatever darkness inside destroy you and the person you are dark w/.

Soon a c/c of the two main Christian approaches to this.

p

Loving people

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 22:37:42 GMT

Lately I have been learning to really love people. I am not sure I am good at it. But I am trying. The hard thing is that it takes so much time to learn how to do it. Each person feels love and experiences it in different ways. That's the struggle. This question has been haunting my brain ever since I found the mystic path. How does one stay true to who they are and still love from a pure source?

Through my union w/ Yeshua I am far more concerned w/ making sure Christians understand that love is unconditional and w/o restraint. I suck at this. I find it so much easier to love my hippy, pagan, Buddhist, Hindu, Yogi and other friends than loving my Christian family. Why? I think it's because I see that I am judgemental and angry at that the way that other Christians are judgmental. I have been partying a lot and I do mean a lot. I don't think I can go a 4 days w/o finding a party and going. I am having some of the best time in my life and the freedom and joy I am experiencing is great. But then I hang w/ my christian friends and eventually I want to run away. Some of their views annoy me. I know I annoy them but when I am loving them they thrive. What's up w/ that?

I find them to be close minded and annoying and they in turn see me being closeminded to them and that pushes them away. That in turns weakens the bonds and pushes me further and further away from relationship w/ them. This is a fucking mess. It's a mess that baffles and hurts me. I need them. So I persevere because love doesn't quit. They are me, I am them. I am no better, no worse, just different and that difference can't stop love, Yeshua proved that when he was mortal. Master Rumi proved it in forgiving his son after his beloved Shams was taken from him. I can keep going but that would be redundant.

Staying true to who I am means being honest, compromising on how to accomplish goals but not on being me. In some ways I still think people want a form of humility from me that makes them feel more comfortable. They want Payshun the meek, the quiet, I don't do quiet. Nor will I compromise what I believe to be true just to make others feel safe. Honestly because my beliefs are becoming more "new-agey" I think Christians question my orthodoxy. I can see why. But when they are healed by the love of the Creator in me they become floored. They experience a piece of Love Him/Herself. But they seem to want that in their traditional ideological and theological forms. I don't think they really understand that becoming a spiritual master means ditching the traditional forms they use to keep themselves safe. It means embracing the path of love as far as it goes. It means killing the ego and if I sound more new agey, so be it. I have to learn to love the self to death.

The self as a construct must learn to let his ego die, I must learn to love my ego to death, that is my path. Being around Christians helps me do that in ways I don't quite understand or even like. I have to learn to listen more and keep struggling through the anger and frustration relationship always creates. I guess what I am getting at is this:

Christians need love too

If I believe what my teachers have been teaching me then I must keep giving it even when we don't agree or especially when we don't agree.

p

I wanted to say thank you all whatever your spiritual path or even if you don't have one, thank you all for being my teachers on the path of love.

Master Shams says:
A good man complains of no one he doesn't look to faults.

May I grow to be that man one day.

Weird Spiritual stuff

Fri, 29 May 2009 18:16:20 GMT

Topics of angels and demons have been coming up lately and not just because of the movie. I rarely talk or blog about any of this for fear that it will reveal how strange I really am. Actually anyone that knows me at knows that's become less and less true as time has gone on. I care what people think but I also care more about being authentically me and using my voice regardless of how strange my life is.

On Sunday I had an interesting healing session w/ a man that will remain nameless. During the prayer time it became increasingly clear that that a dark presence was physically attacking me. I am used to weird things happening when I conduct healing prayer sessions but I have to admit I am not used to the sensation of feeling like something was chomping or chewing on my arm. That was not necessarily new but again not normal. As a matter of fact, that shit hurt. I was not prepared to have to fight that hard which brings me back to a central tenet of my life lately. If you are really ever going to love anyone the way Christ did then you have to be willing to go as far or as deep as that person needs you to go. You must be willing to let the little i, the little self die the way of the dodo.

That's one of the hardest thing to do especially when the people God heals through you won't listen and give him the credit, mistaking love for you. It's a personal annoyance when folks (that will remain nameless) only think that the love I have for them came from me. It did not, I am not that loving, well now I am but that's only because the great I am is inside me growing his love and loving the darkness out of me. But again it's his love, our love, my love but he is the source, I just wish others could see that more clearly, I guess I just have to work harder in showing them.

p

More poetry

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:07:47 GMT

And so I ask and gently plead,
And You, Creator, grant.
I ask for the Spirit,
That I be filled with fullness,
the goodness in every Now,
Waking to the wonder of your Presence,
With heart lost to none but You
As You give yourself to me.
Oh Holy One,
Maker of all that is, and me,
Immerse me in the real
The holy home of your Presence
I've too long lain in illusion.
Lost and eating pods of pigs.
Forgiver of all the lost, send the Spirit,
And take me home to You.
The child of your making asks You.

p